Day #15

6:30 alarm going off. Another beautiful day in brannenburg, Germany. The sun is no where to be found. I get up to do me daily routine. 7:15 I report for breakfast. I'm noticing that I am a creature of habit. I like things a certain way, and if they get disrupted, it really effects me. This is something that I'm going to have to work on. So, one of the chefs makes great eggs, and oat meal. The other one not so much. The oatmeal and eggs are always watery. I eat them but I'm not satisfied. I can cook too so I want to go in the kitchen and do it myself sometimes. My first appointment was at 8:30 with markus to have my feet worked on. He noticed during the session that my liver felt much better to him through my feet. This was interesting to me. He could tell through my foot that my internal organ was in better shape. Fascinating, yeah?  As I walked downstairs I ran into Dr. Weber. He said that my blood work was back and before he could say anything else I blurted out "and everything is perfect, I know". He looked at me like I was crazy! Then he asked "how do you know this? Did you see the papers?" I said " No Dr. Weber, I just know that everything is working! Look at me!"  He smiled and agreed that I do look good. Then he had to run. "We talk later, bye".
9:00. During my appointment with markus my side was a little painful so I went to get a pain shot, and my other daily shots. I returned to my room and wanted to soak in a hot bath. I had an hour before my next appointment so I did just that. I read "The Four Agreements" while I soaked. Re-reading for clarity. I stayed in the tub for forty five minutes. When I got out I felt great. Ready for my appointment. 10:10 hyperthermia. I layed out and read my book for this boring treatment. I'm happy that this treatment is working though. I almost finished the book during my treatment. 11:15 I went to my room for the liver hot pack before lunch. I finished the book. 2nd time!  11:50 I went down to lunch so I could get at the salad before it got ravaged by all the guests. I don't know what it is about salad bars, but people cannot make a huge mess out of them. It's like turning toddlers loose on play-doh! It's getting everywhere!  So I like first dibs if possible. I made a nice sized salad to eat and had a soup and they served fish. It was a little fishy flavored but not horrible. Everyone was eating so I saw this as a good opportunity to finish my treatments. I went up for magnetic field. I sat alone for ten minutes. Then some lady came in to have this treatment. I think she was an outpatient. Not even sure if she was getting cancer treatment. She didn't speak a lick of English so we sat quietly. I continued to read and she whipped out her cell phone. Her buttons had a tone. Fricken everytime she pushed a button it was followed by a beep! Arg! Someone shoot me! That is the number one most annoying thing on my list. Unless you are blind, you don't need button tones, or keyboard clicks. I sat patiently waiting for my treatment to end and then went back to my room.
Now I'm not sure why, but when I came back to my room I was suddenly very tired. I layed on the couch and watched some billiard s on the t.v.  I fell asleep. I woke up at half past four!  4:30 "knock, knock hello". Dr. Weber comes bearing good news I suspect. We sit. He tells me that all of my levels are down!  My bilirubin which was at 11 on Thursday is down to a 3.5. My liver function is still a little high but I'm filtering a lot of toxins. This is expected. He gave me a list of number so I'm gonna give you all rounded figures, but know that every number is an improvement. My CEA which is a tumor marker went from high 6's (6.8-6.7) to about 4.5. The tumor mass indicator dropped about 150 points or so. Everything else is dropping or improving by 100-250 pts all the way across the board. I am so excited for this news today. I knew I was getting better but this far exceeded the news that I thought I would get. I'm on cloud nine. I owe so much of my recovery to all of you! My followers, my warriors, my friends, my family! Without all of you. I would have a hard time staying motivated. Now I'm in hyperdrive to full remission. Theres no stopping me now. I'm stoked.   5:30 I went down to dinner and ate with the group. I told chad and Lisa about my results and they were thrilled. It was nice to share this with someone other then a Dr.  Even though Dr. Weber is more a friend. The food was all really good. Chad asked me how to FaceTime his daughter so I helped him figure it out. On my way out I caught Marlene (Liz's mom) and was able to let her know that the cake was a kind gesture and that I hoped I didn't offend her. She said she never was and that was a relief. We talked for about ten minutes and I let her know my news too. She said that she had a feeling because I look so much better. All encouraging. I said goodnight to the group so I could return and finish this blog for you all. I have really been enjoying keeping you all updated but I feel like this is the one that has the best news by far. Germans know a thing or two about cancer. I'm a firm believer. I played around with some poetry today. Trying to tap those creative roots. Might shoot one out here and there in the future blogs. Thanks for the continued support and comments. Love to you all. Straight outta Germany. Lucas

Day #14

Not sure if the sound of my alarm was pleasant or not to me this morning. Anyways 6:30 and I'm up to start the day. Normal routine, 7:15 and I'm on my way to breakfast. I had a. Bowl of cereal, oatmeal, bread with blackberry jam, and two soft boiled eggs. What a breakfast. Ron and georgette were leaving at eight so we all said our goodbyes and exchanged emails. I also bought some of their euros off of them so they didn't have to exchange later. Liz and her mom didn't come to breakfast until after I was gone. I wanted to make sure that Marlene didn't feel like I was suggesting anything by my cake gesture yesterday. I think her daughter made her feel ashamed and I don't wanna add any injury to insult. 8:00 hyperthermia, injections, and ozone blood treatment. I love that I get all these at the sametime because it really eats up your day if they are separate. 9:00 I went for magnetic field and Liz was there. It was awkward, I apologized to her about her mom and she said her mom thought it was sweet just that everyone else has been teasing her. I said that I never once teased her infact I felt extremely uncomfortable when she would tease her in front of everyone. I would do the whole "god, this is really uncomfortable" awkward smile. I'm really not that fond of Liz at all. Whatever. Not my deal! Moving on. Pray for her!
 9:30 went down to talk to the chef about the meals and I think that I'm going to stop being such a princess and eat what they offer everyday. My stomach is feeling better, I'm eating more, no need to be a special task for the kitchen. I sat and ate some fruit and talked with Gunther. He was having a late breakfast. This guy looked horrible when I arrived and he is looking much better now too.  I really think that this Dr.Weber is on to something here. Everyone looks better as the days progress. 10:15 I went back to my room to "surf" the web and to watch CNN. 11:00 the nurse came in with my liver hot pack, so I layed on my bed and relaxed for another half hour. 11:30 I went to do my bio-mat treatment and fell asleep. The nurse woke me up at noon and told me to go eat lunch.
12:00 went to lunch. They have a serve yourself salad bar before the meal. I had two salads, garlic soup, and chicken w/ rice and gravy. Delicious. I moved to a different table now because my table was really crowded and I need some room when I eat. Plus it's nice not to feel obligated to have a conversation if you don't need to. Less stress. 1:00 went to a massage with Marco. Who I just found out his name is markus. And he is a play writer here in Germany and actually really successful. He explained to me a play he wrote and I was amazed. The storyline was awesome. Something that I haven't seen. Very fresh. He told me to look it up on you tube.1:30 I went back to my room. Im done for the day. Decided to check out markus's play on YouTube. It is really a great show. It was in German of course but because he explained it to me, the acting really paints a wonderful picture. I am completely in awe of this mans talent. Successful play write with a twist of massage. This place is so cool.  I decided to take a walk into town to get some fruit for my room. I strapped on my headphones and departed. I was keeping a pretty good pace and feeling quite well. It decided to start sprinkling a bit and then get a little harder. Soon I was walking in the rain. I found shelter at a bakery where I bought a croissant. I waited for a few minutes while the rain let up then proceeded to the fruit market.  At the fruit market they had great looking big, ripe strawberries. I bought some. And some grapes.
The rain let up so I thought that I might want to head back to the Klinik so I didn't get soaked. It stayed dry the whole walk back. I think god really does love me!  I got back to the Klinik with an hour to spare. I bought a guided imagery audiobook to listen to. It's supposed to help you sink into deep relaxation. I'm not sure how I feel about the lady voice who reads it. I'll try again tomorrow but today I couldn't fully relax. I relaxed a lot just not from this audiobook I mean.
5:30 and I am down for dinner. I have my own table now as I've mentioned so I can really spread out. I got a big bowl of fruit to work on cutting up for later. I had creamy garlic soup,then another, then vegetable lasagna. Once again dinner was great. I feel a little outcast now that I changed tables. Silent treatment now from Liz and her mom. Oh well. I like being in my own world anyways. Gunther came in late and we talked for a good twenty minutes about how he was feeling and what his near future plans are for treatment. I really like this man. He has a positive outlook always. And smiles even though he look like he doesn't want to at all. He's a lot like me I feel. He likes his alone time. He comes later for meals and often eats in his room. I'm always glad to catch him for a few minutes. I returned to my room around 6:15 to finish the blog. I am looking even better tonight. My color and completion is almost completely normal again. Full, Honest disclosure is what my blog is about. No B.S. right?  My insides are all functioning normally again. Everything that exits is in the right color and consistency. TMI? Who cares?  Hope you enjoyed my blog today. I sure did enjoy writing it. I also enjoy the posts and likes. It's really awesome to know how many are following me on my journey. It's been mentioned to me to write a book. I'm not sure about that, but I was thinking of keeping the blog running when I get home. Who knows eventually I may have a book!  Love to you all. I posted some photos too so check me out on Facebook. Lucas

Day #13

7:00 woke up to get my daily routine started. I was really hungry so I went directly to breakfast. At breakfast I ordered three scrambled eggs and cereal and toast and a big glass of orange juice. You could argue that I am feeling excellent today. My pain as well is no as noticeable so I think that this procedure was really a good thing after all. Not to mention that the yellow in my eyes is almost completely gone!! At breakfast we all talked of heading into Munich today by train and taking a walk around the big city. 8:00 chad, Ron and I all went upto the nurses area to bombard her with our treatments for the day so that we could catch a train as early as possible. By 9:30we were all done with our treatments and getting ourselves situated to walk to the train station. (20 minutes away). Got to the train station at 9:50and the next train to rosenheim was at 10:11 We got our tickets to rosenheim and waited. The train arrived right on time and in ten minutes we were at the train station in rosenheim. 

At this train station we had to purchase another ticket to Munich and asked for help. The information booth helped us get a five person all day all track ticket for 38 euros total. This made our day a lot easier because we can hop all the tracks and go wherever we would like. Thank god for information desks. So we jumped a train to Munich. This train took about twenty five minutes or so. When we got to the station in Munich we needed. To make one more transfer to get to marinplatz which is Like the town center. We make our way to this train and it takes about eight minutes to get to the station in marinplatz. We have arrived at our destination. 

We walk out of the subway system into the center of what would be like union square in the city. Lots of people, pigeons, and street performers. The architecture is amazing, the building that I first noticed had these awesome gargoyles and statues and what have you. It was amazing. I took lots of pics. I'll try to post them on Facebook. We were all hungry so we went to the hofbrauhaus which is like the "hard-rock cafe" of Germany I think. There were lots of people flowing in and out of this place and a gift shop at the entrance. I would have bought something there but they were all really cheaply made things. The food was good but the atmosphere made it worth the visit. They had a band playing traditional music. Every person had an oversized mug of beer and they all chanted and pounded on tables. I loved it. We ate our food slowly, took in the experience, then hit the streets.  

Back on the streets now and it's about 1:30. We walked around hoping to find a shop open but there was no luck. Only coffee, food, and beer on Sunday in Germany. We walked around, taking in all we could and ended up back at the town square.  We watched street performers for a while. This one guy was killing it on the accordion. I've never heard it played like this, had to tip. I got talked into trying a lemon sorbet, so twist my arm I had one and it was great too!  We slowly made our way to the train to start our journey back to the Klinik. The train rides were pretty uneventful except in rosenheim I stopped and got Marlene who is Elizabeth's mom, some sweet German cake slices. She is into her sweets and I thought it would be a good gesture. I spent like fifteen euros on cake. Ohh well. Good cause!  Fast forward!! Back at the Klinik now and it's just after 5:00. Get a text from Jamaica and she says that she is able to FaceTime so I take her up on that offer. We chatted for a good twenty five minutes. It was really nice to see and speak with her. I enjoyed it very much but it was cut short by the nurse who stormed in to let me know it was dinner! Sheesh!  Said goodbyes to her And Grayson and went to dinner.  

Dinner had the best creamy asparagus soups ever! I had two servings and then my usual chicken and taters. Yum. I gave Marlene her cake but Elizabeth made her feel so uncomfortable that I don't think she really could have enjoyed it. Anyways. Everyone left the dining area and Chad,Lisa,the new guy John, and myself stayed after and talked for an hour and a half about all our separate journeys and how we ended up here. The nice thing was that chad and myself have a very similar story even though its very different. We both experienced a lot of the same emotion around the disease. John is newly diagnosed so he is also taking this in but he has a more open mind then Elizabeth so it makes it easier to talk to him. I really enjoyed this whole day. A lot of self growth time i think. I am looking forward to the next week of treatments and what this amazing Klinik still has to offer me. For those who didn't see me before I left, I look and feel one hundred percent better. And since the procedure my color is back and my eyes are almost completely white again. I love it here. Can't say enough good about my experience medically. Thanks for the support. Love to you all. Stay tuned. Lucas

Day #12

Woke up this morning at 8:45 and was in a quick panic that I completely missed breakfast. I ran down to the dining area and there were still people eating so I was in luck. I ordered my usual soft boiled eggs and oatmeal. Delicious! I sat and talked with a German man named Gunther. We talked about my procedure and he said that I am looking a lot better today then I have all week. This was very pleasing to hear. He said he was concerned when he didn't see me there for the last day and a half. We talked about the difference in western medicine practices and the German practices. I told him that I believe (and I really do) that if I had got yellow (jaundice) in the states that the dr.s would not had tried to do this procedure. I feel that they would have told me that its probably time to start thinking about getting things in order! I am really glad that I got here when I did because Dr. Weber wants to see me live and is doing and exploring all possibilities to aid me in my fight. They did this procedure because it is still possible to help me, in the US the Dr.s are so controlled that they are unable to help their patients even if they truly want to. This is a sad truth but unfortunately it is just that. I believe that my Dr. Has done a lot for me and has tried to aid my fight and explore all the options that he is " allowed" to offer me. We will see when I get home what they are willing to do for me. I'll need this shunt replaced in twelve weeks and if they won't do it in the US then I will have to come back here for the procedure. This will be the true test of how far our own medical Dr.s will go for us!!10:30 I went to get my shots for the day and have my magnetic field treatment. Chad was sitting there getting his magnetic field so we talked for about fifteen minutes. He said that he had dinner with "the downer" last night and was amazed at how much doubt she still has in this process. I shook my head and said that I honestly believe she will not get better here until she lets go and accepts the treatment. We talked about the trip up the mountain they all took yesterday. I didn't let out that I was kinda sad that I was unable to join them. They had a good time though so I was happy for that! 11:15 I have an appointment for the hyperthermia treatment. I layed on the bed and got all set up for this hour long treatment. During the week it seems like it goes much smoother because I get my infusions while I do this so there is more interaction with the nurses. I'm noticing that I really love attention! Whatever, it makes me happy and I have every right to be happy! Anyways. I read my book "The four agreements" ( which I just started over). I really like this book and want to completely grasp all the concepts.
12:15 down to lunch where I ate a huge salad, chicken, rice, carrots and today I had a little dessert. It was all delicious. 1:00 went to my room to work on my blog for a while and just have a little relaxing time.2:00 decided to go down for tea and cake minus the cake. The couple from Phoenix was down there and we sat and talked for a while. The conversation was based around alternative treatments options in the states and what they have found. I like discussing these topics as long as it doesn't turn into a " poor me" pity party. We know what we're dealing with, lets move past it. This convo never got there so I'd say it was a good talk. 3:30 I decided to take a walk up the hill behind the klinic where there were people rock climbing the cliffs. This was really cool to see so I just sat for a while and watched them do their thing. These guys and girls made it look so easy but I'm positive that I wouldn't have made it a quarter of the way up the cliff that they were taking to the top. It did trigger my interest though. I continued my walk up to the church and beyond on a little trail that ended at a bench where I again sat and enjoyed the scenery. I sat until about4:30 then decided to walk back to the klinik to get ready for dinner. No FaceTime with the family tonight. They are in Tahoe with minimal service. 5:30 went to dinner and there is another new face. Another guy from California. He sits right next to me so my table is now a bit crowded. I quite possibly will be relocating my seating arrangement tomorrow. Dinner was good. I rented the movie " forks over knives" so I wanted to get back to my room and watch it. I will let you know my thoughts on the movie tomorrow. I hope you all have a great day. Stay tuned for my next blog. Love lucas

Day #11

Today started out different being to the fact that I stayed at a completely different hospital. I woke up close to 7:30 and my roommate Stephan was laying in his bed looking at his phone. We exchanged good mornings and chatted for a while about just randomness. It was nice to just have a casual chat with someone that wasn't about cancer or treatment or blah, blah.  The nurses brought him in breakfast and I was unable to eat because I was going to have a procedure within a couple of hours. Stephan offered to eat in the hallway but I insisted that I was fine with him eating I front of me. He was a very polite person. After his breakfast, his dr. Came in and told him that he was free to leave. He got ready and we said goodbye! I really enjoyed meeting him and I will keep I touch with him via the world wid web! 9:00 and a nurse walks in to tell me to get my things gathered so I can go down stairs. I love being carted around in a hospital bed (as sick as that may sound) I feel like I'm a little kid being pushed around with no control. It's fun for me! So we make it to the procedure room and I am able to get wifi for five minutes to get a text off to Megan to let her know that I'm going in for the procedure and not to worry.9:30ish I'm in the procedure room and there are two nurses working around me explaining what is going on and hooking me to all sorts of feeds. One of them puts an plastic gag with a hole in it in my mouth and the dr. Said "you feel a little tired, yes?" Befor I could say anything they were waking me up saying that all went well and they needed me to roll over to my  bed for transport. The whole procedure took a half hour or so and I woke right up from the anesthesia without any problems. This is really weird to me because in the US I always have a really hard time waking from anesthesia and need to be kept on oxygen for hours after. Maybe the Germans don't over drug you! Crazy. About 10:30 I get upstairs and they are waiting to put me in a room. I am starving but they will not let me eat just yet. The nurses gave me some medication to help me relax and some fluids. I fell asleep for a while.  The nurses kept coming over and grabbing my wrist to get responses from me while I layed resting. Around 12:30 they wheeled me down stairs to the gastroenterology rooms are and set me up in a room until I could talk to a dr.
Earlier after my procedure the dr. Said that they needed to discuss the procedure before they decided to let me go and that they possibly wanted to keep me through the weekend. I didn't want to stay through the weekend at this hospital. Around 2:00 the dr. Who did my procedure came to talk to me and let me know that they placed a shunt to allow my bile ducts drain into my duodenum. Technical terms. I have a growth that is creating an obstruction which is inturn making me jaundice. They fixed that. He told me that the piece he put in is plastic and would need to be changed or removed within twelve weeks. This is something that I could have done in the states. My color of skin and eyes is already clearing so I am really happy about this. Anyways the dr.cleared me to leave and called the Klinik to come get me. At this point it was 2:45 and I still haven't eaten anything. I'm really hungry and the dr. Said as soon as the blood work comes back that I can eat. 3:15 blood work back, ok to eat, ready to eat, yay so excited, knock knock at the door! Freakin Stephan the driver from the Klinik! So now no food for another hour, I'm happy I'm leaving but I am so grumpy from hunger. Anyways I can wait so we left. When we drove back to the Klinik I noticed every single place that was serving food and it just made me more hungry. There was traffic on the autobahn, going towards Austria. Stephan said that there is a lot of snow so the people leave town on the weekends to go there. Much like all us p-town kids and Tahoe. We finally made it back to the Klinik and I went in to see dr. Weber. He is very happy with the outcome of this procedure, he gets really excited. I love it! 5:15 I took a quick shower to wash big hospital off of me and then went down to dinner. It was the best dinner that I have had in a really long time. All the Americans went for pizza tonight in town! They invited me but I was just not feeling it. I was way too tired and grumpy. I also found out that they all went on the train earlier today so I missed that opportunity as well. I'm a little bummed and feel left out but, I will go by myself tomorrow instead and have a great old time, yeah! So I came. Back to my room and the food gave me a second wind so I decided to write my blog and send it out. I hope you all enjoy it. I will post again tomorrow. Stay tuned. More adventures in Germany right around the corner!! Love. Lucas

Day #10

6:30and I am up and already getting prepped for my big day, a transport to another clinic where they are going to take a look at my liver and decide whether or not to put in a shunt to help the toxins flow freely from my liver. 7:30down for breakfast where I had two soft boiled eggs and a roll with some fresh strawberry jam. Very yummy. I went back to my room after I ate and waited for my transport. 9:15 Steffi came in to let me know that Stephan was waiting for me to go. Grabbed my things and we got on the road. The whole trip to the new Klinik took just over an hour. The driver Stephan is a pretty quiet person. I had to spark up all the conversations with him, and it was really hard to keep him talking. His English was alright but I think he may have been a little shy or un-confident in his English. Either way the trip had nice scenery. I really like the landscape in the area of Germany I'm in. It's kinda spread out, ranch style scenery. Beautiful. 10:30we checked in at the kreisklinik in Ebersburg,Germany. This is a five story hospital. After checking in they were ready for me with a bed to get me ready for the procedure. They said that they were going to try and get me taken care of today but it might be hard. When they were asking all the normal questions and found out that I ate breakfast they said that I would have to wait until tomorrow. So I'm gonna camp out at the hospital tonight and get the procedure early in the morning. Then if all goes well I will be back at the other Klinik tomorrow night. Lets keep our fingers crossed. 

12:30 I got into my room and met my roommate. He is a young man in his mid twenties. His name is Stephan and he had a small surgery on his foot. He speaks really good English and as we were talking and I told him where I was from he said that he studied abroad in Santa Barbara last year. Small world. The hospital room doesn't have a wifi so he is letting me use his phone as a hotspot so I can inform everyone what's going on with me. 1:15 decided to take a walk into the town here and take a look around and also grab a bite to eat. Since I'm not having anything until tomorrow I need not sit in the room all day. It was really nice out today. Lots of people on the streets. I think that ice cream is a big thing around here because there are shops everywhere and there's always people walking with cones. I went to an Italian restaurant and the food, atmosphere,and service were all really nice. I had minestrone soup which was served without noodles and it was a clear broth. Very different but very tasty. I also had a pizza with a little cheese and sauce and a San pelegrino. After lunch I walked slowly back to the hospital just kinda enjoying the fresh air. When I got to my room, Stephan had a visitor. I asked if he needed some privacy. He did not. I thought that it would be a good time to start blogging my day. 3:00a nurse came in and said that I need to have an ultrasound. The dr.s wanted to make sure that they were going to be able to do the procedure tomorrow so I didn't waste a whole night here at the hospital. I love the treatment here. They are very thorough in everything and I'm not treated like a lab rat, but more like a lab prince!  I went back to my room and talked with my roommate and his mom until dinner was served and then we ate. The dinner was potato soup and some kind of a cream of wheat. It was really good for hospital food. We figured out the wifi situation and I have to sit in a stairwell to use it so I will only send my blogs but I won't be checking my Facebook as often until I'm back at the other Klinik. Thanks to all of you continued followers. Wish me luck tomorrow and I will post tomorrow night about my experiences again. Love from Germany. Lucas

Day #9

Didn't sleep well last night. I was tossing and turning with a back ache that just wouldn't quit. Ran a really hot bath and soaked. Ok ready for the day. 7:45 breakfast. Today was an easy day so I took my time at breakfast and filled my tummy. After breakfast I went back to my room for a little while. Thought that I would watch an episode of Grey's. 9:30 Dr. Weber came into my room and said he needed another blood test and that he is going to send me to another clinic tomorrow to see a liver specialist. The whole trip will be one day. Because I won't be at this clinic tomorrow he also wanted me to get all my treatments today so that I had them all. 11:00 I was back in my room to do a liver hot pack before lunch. I think we do these to help with the detox process in the body. 12:00 went to lunch.  Chad and Lisa were talking about taking a walk after lunch to a train station to get information about taking a train up the alps on Sunday. I asked if I could tag along. 1:15 we set off for our walk and it was starting to cool off a bit. It's a good thing that I had on thermals. We walked about a mile to the station. It's pretty cool. This train runs every hour up to the top of these mountains where there is a restaurant, a tram down the backside of the mountain, and supposedly on a clear day you can see Italy. I'm really excited to go on the train Sunday.
2:30 we got back to the clinic and I was a little tired so I went to my room to chill out until dinner. 5:00 Megan face timed me and we talked for a bit before I went to dinner.. She's going to FaceTime me later with the kids. It's nice to see them everyday. Makes being away a little easier. 5:30 went to dinner and had flounder. It was delicious. I also had mashed taters with a special gravy and some rice oh, and some sour kraut! The conversation at dinner was nice until Elizabeth aka "Debbie Downer" started in with her " cancer" talk that all conversations seem to turn into now. I know it's new and she's scared and I should probably be more patient but right now it is important for me to be selfish and get myself better. I'm not here to take on someone else's baggage. I can be a positive support to anyone but I'm not going to sit around second guessing and over analyzing every little thing that is going on at this facility. They have success with cancer treatment, I'm going to trust that they will have success with me and so far it's working. There. That's my rant. Don't wanna come off as an insensitive asshole, but every conversation is about her doubts of every single thing around her cancer. Chad and Lisa made a good point. Maybe we could just get to know each other cancer aside and be supportive as friends instead of a group of people awaiting their pending death. I'm not dying, I'm just a little sicker than most. My immune system needs a reboot and that's what I'm doing. I got this! Maybe you can say a prayer for her tonight that will maybe help her to find some ease and comfort that what she is doing is the right thing and if she trusts the process. She will be fine. Thanks warriors. I blessed that so many of you have my back. Love to you all. Tomorrow i'll be writing from a different clinic. Hope you all enjoy your days! Lucas